Well played Gentlemen...well played

Probably only funny to my fellow libertarians but...


(shrug) It made me smile.

So let's review the past week...

1) Paulson & Bernake want everyone to vote for their plan (which not so incidentally gives them more power than any two people should have over a country's finances).

2) Congress is a little reluctant considering that Paulson & Bernake were two of the dolts that have been steering this sinking ship already.

3) Paulson & Bernake see that their plan may not be floating. So they start carrying on like those Victorian women you always see fainting on the sofa because they are getting a bad case of the "vapors". "Oh no - if we don't do something the sun won't rise; crops will fail; chaos; anarchy; AAAAAAHHHH. I'm feeling faint" (Swoon...) And then the topper: "If we don't do something NOW, pass this bill (NOW!!!) there will be a huge economic crisis & the stock market will crash!"

4) So Congress starts running around in a panic (personally I picture them running around in circles - banging into each other - but that's just to amuse myself). "Oh no - we have to pass this bill NOW - or the Stock Market will crash!"

5) For a few days we hear these ominous speeches about how nothing in the world can save us from imminent financial doom unless they can get this bill written and passed NOW!!!! (Did I mention "NOW"?)

6) Finally Congress comes out of their offices, all proud of themselves that they managed to act like adults for a few hours & stop calling each other names long enough to write a stupid bill (forgive me - but isn't that what they get PAID for?). Yay - the US is saved from certain doom!!!

7) "But wait!!" the American people cry. "Let's take a moment to look at this bill - I mean $780 billion is not chump change." They start phoning their Congresscritters & sending emails. (Before email I bet being in Congress was much easier - I mean really, how many things are you THAT upset about that you'd be willing to take the time to write a letter, find an envelope, go to the post office, get a stamp & mail the damn thing? Seriously - by the time I got to "find an envelope" I'd just say "Fuck it!" and go eat a bowl of cereal.)

8) Meantime on Wall Street all the brokers & analysts & day traders (not to mention tv analysts) are "hopeful". Because Wall Street is nothing if not an emotionally driven mess. Forget fundamentals, forget spreadsheets, forget all that numbers nonsense. If the Wall Street people are feeling good (or in this case, hopeful), the Dow Jones goes up. If they are having a shitty day - something makes them worried or doubtful and frankly it could be anything - terrorism threats, government reports, no one is shopping, whatever - Dow Jones goes down. The Dow Jones is basically a giant thermometer taking Wall Street's collective emotional temperature. So here they are all happy & hopeful - we're going to be saved by this bill and everything will be great again. There will be bonuses this year! I will be able to close on that Condo on Water Street! Hooray! Up goes the Dow Jones.

9) Finally we get to the day of the vote - and Congress, after days of playing nice with each other cannot resist the urge to start the sniping and blaming and name-calling again. Uh-oh... And the calls & emails are still coming - surprisingly ordinary people are not nearly as happy over the notion that Johnny Wall Street will still be able to buy his condo on Water Street. Not when it means their taxes are going to go up. And not when it means that the government that gave birth to this mess are going to have even greater control of things. Oh and all those executives that headed up companies that made bone-headed idiotic decisions to lend money to people, who have never in their lives made any previous attempts to pay back any other loans, to buy houses much bigger than they need (to put in all of the great stuff they bought instead of paying back their loans) - yeah, those executives are going to be just fine. They are going to get all of their golden parachute packages & go off to run other companies into the ground. So the Congresscritters have a dilemma - do we pass this odious bill that everyone hates but they keep telling us we HAVE to pass NOW to save us from doom?

10) So over on Wall Street they start to get wind of the fact that this bill that HAS TO PASS NOW may not, in fact, pass now. And they fall into a great emotional depression. Which of course brings the Dow Jones waaaaay down with them.

11) Meanwhile back at Paulson & Bernake's lair, they are rubbing their hands together in glee because they have achieved check-mate. You see - if the bill passes, they win. If the bill doesn't pass, they win even more - because well they have successfully convinced Wall Street that it HAD TO PASS NOW or we are doomed!!!, and if this bill doesn't PASS NOW Wall Street (not having the capacity to actually think) will emotionally react to this perceived disaster as expected and drive the Dow Jones way down, thus fulfilling Messrs. Paulson & Bernake's prophecy that if the bill doesn't pass Wall Street will experience horrible repurcussions. And when that happens they can say "We told you so! Now you HAVE to listen to us - we were right!! So let's tweak that bill a little bit giving us a little more power, and take another vote."

I have to give it to them - it was a masterful plot. Too bad they can't come up with anything that smart to save the economy.