My fucking blood pressure really can't take this.
I really thought I was an intelligent, fair-minded person who gave quite a bit of thought & reasoning to my opinions on the current financial situation. Imagine my surprise this morning as I read/see more and more op-eds and "expert" analysis telling me that really I'm not terribly bright but it's not my fault that I don't understand the immediate need to pass a poorly thought-out ill-conceived bill that will wind up costing me & people like me a lot of money in taxes while doing nothing to insure this will not happen again. It's really not my fault for not understanding - it's the fault of the Congress-people. And Paulson & Bernake. And President Bush. You see they just haven't "sold" it to me properly. They haven't "marketed" their ideas correctly. They haven't explained it in a way that a simpleton like me would understand it. Because seriously, I cannot be trusted to make decisions about something so important. That's why I send smart people to Congress - so they can do all that hard "thinking" stuff, leaving me more time for football, NASCAR, and cheetoes. Really if they would just do their job properly and explain it to me in a way I can understand it, I would be all about giving Paulson & Bernake carte blanche to use $780 billion in whatever way they see fit. (Let's not even go into how Paulson won't even BE Treasury Secretary if Obama is elected so in effect we're actually giving this cash to someone we don't even know yet. That must be one of the hard parts they haven't explained to me right yet.)
Let's take a look at what I mean:
The always popular, really smart folks at the Washington Post:
Congressional Neroes - Republicans and Democrats fiddle as the economy burns.
Hold on - what does "Neroes" mean? Is that a typo? Hang on while I go look it up on the interwebs... Ooooohhhh... I get it now... ha! How clever - I see what you did there!
We understand that angry constituents have been bombarding members of Congress with e-mails and phone calls protesting the bailout. ...
Given the poor marketing of a proposal whose advertised $700 billion price tag will probably never materialize in full, and given the fact that the rapidly developing credit crisis has not quite been felt on Main Street, we are not surprised at the angry correspondence from voters -- or, rather, from certain self-selected voters.
Oh geez - where oh where do I start? If only we could have "marketed" this proposal so that those stupid idiots on Main Street just let us do whatever we wanted without causing a stink, everything would have been fine. Oh but wait - it's not "voters" that are angry. It's "certain self-selected voters". I'm sorry, I didn't realize that to give my opinion on governmental matters that SOMEONE ELSE (presumably the guy who wrote this editorial?) had to SELECT me. I thought that just by voting I was able to self-select the person who would represent MY feelings/positions on these issues. God, I'm such a dolt. Thank Garp I have the Washington Times to explain this all to me.
Let's look at some more from the Washington Post, since they are so much smarter than I am. From a story by Dana Milbank:
The Dow Jones industrial average closed down 778 points, the largest one-day point drop in history. And no wonder: In the Congress of the United States, the insane are now running the asylum.
Wow - that DOES sound bad Dana! Hooboy, 778 points? Yikes! The largest one-day point drop in history? Woweee - but, just one question Dana - isn't the Dow Jones overall points up pretty high? I mean, not the highest in history, but pretty up there right? So - and forgive me my basic public education math skills - wouldn't that mean that percentage-wise this probably isn't the worst day the market's ever had?
What's that you say, Wall Street Journal? A 7% decline? That's what? About the 17th worst percentage drop in Market history, I believe. Hmmm...well that's not good but certainly not even close to the worst day in Market History. Would you mind putting it into some historical perspective for me (but use small words please)?
On the original Black Monday in October 1987, the Dow lost 508 points in one day, or nearly 23% of its value, according to Stovall.
"Today, a percent decline of this magnitude would have forced the DJIA lower by 2,518 points, or more than three times what we experienced," he wrote. "Also, [Monday's] 8.8% (106 point) decline in the S&P 500 was the second-largest decline since 1950, but well below the 248.67 points that would have been required to equal the crash on Black Monday."
Okay, so I must REALLY be as stupid as they think I am, because I'm still not panicking. Excuse me, I have to go find some cheetoes.
